Groundhog Day’s Punxsutawney Phil commits suicide

Discussion in 'The Bob Marshall Wilderness' started by rust, Feb 3, 2013.

  1. rust inactive

    Member Since:
    Apr 28, 2011
    Message Count:
    Ratings Received:
    +3,812 / 45 / -23
    ...after seeing four more years of Obama


    (PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA) —Less than 24 hours after declaring he did not see his shadow but did see four more years of an Obama in office, Punxsutawney Phil, the famed weather-forecasting groundhog of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, has been found dead in the town’s square. Adding to the shock and tragedy of Punxsutawney Phil’s death is its apparent cause: suicide, and the reason behind it.

    Authorities say the prognosticating rodent took his own life over night, just hours after predicting an early spring Saturday morning along with four more years of Obama in the White House. Said a sobbing Punxsutawney Police Chief Thomas N. Fedigan Jr. to reporters, Sunday, “It appears Phil, our beloved groundhog took his own life by a single gunshot to his temple. A nine-millimeter handgun was found next to him. …There are no signs of foul play. A suicide note has also been found scratched into a wooden light pole near Phil.”
    Latest Given Reputation Points:
    SouthernStar: 5,997 Points Feb 4, 2013
    Macrobius: 6,180 Points (I suspect being blamed for Nemo might have helped. The lemonade and skittles found at the scene are suspicious, though.) Feb 12, 2013
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Creative Creative x 1
    • List
  2. Celt A fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2012
    Message Count:
    Ratings Received:
    +1,847 / 18 / -27
    After looking at the pistol in the picture I'm sure Punxsutawney Police Chief Thomas N. Fedigan Jr.'s (once he got control of his emotions) next stop was the grounhog's burrow/home.

    According to kikestein & co. the possible high capacity magazine in the pistol would readily indicate all of the following: White pride of some sort, militia/terrorist membership, presence of morals, nonacceptance of homosexual and/or transgender individuals, support of the 2nd amendment, racism, and a host of other modern day evils.

    IF there was a Mrs. Punxsutawney Phil along w/any offspring Family Services would need to become involved to sort out any modern day evils P.P. would most certainly have instilled.

    One could only hope, for the sake of the police chief, that a myrid number of Federal authorities were further involved to counteract the unpatriotic, racist act committed by Phil.

    Latest Given Reputation Points:
    SouthernStar: 6,419 Points Feb 12, 2013
    Prima Morte: 2,390 Points Feb 12, 2013
    Fitz: -7,028 Points Dec 4, 2013
  3. Macrobius The Old Usager

    Member Since:
    Apr 22, 2010
    Message Count:
    Ratings Received:
    +3,540 / 43 / -218

Share This Page